Siddhuisms

 

• Statistics are like Mini Skirts… what they reveal is suggestive, what they hide is essential!

On Players

• Yuvraj Singh : The pied piper of Punjab!

• Harbhajan : The sardar from Jalandhar !

• On S.Ramesh's diving catch : He flew like a bird and plucked it out of thin air.

• Sourav Ganguly is "The Burden of Calamity.

• Chris Harris : He is a dibbly dobbly bowler.

• My idea of a bird is 36-24-36.

• Tendulkar : The genius of Tendulkar.

• Andrew Flintoff : The Butcher from England.

• Agarkar : The so called great All rounder.

• Nasir Hussain : The Meanest captain I've ever seen.

• Inzamam : He'll dump you in the middle of a river while taking a run.

• Sir Geoffrey Boycott : He is racing with me,in my spanking new car, on his old bike which has lost its chain.(He ain't going any where).He started at the bottom and is still there.(On his 6 consecutive wins in super selector game.)

• Indian Tail enders : Give them a long rope and they will hang themselves from it.

• Great Indian Batting line up : The potential has not be be on the paper but on the grass in the middle.

• Virender Sehwag : Today they say that he bats like Sachin but one day they will say he batted like Sehwag.

• Reetinder Singh Sodhi : Young Ricky will fight a rattlesnake and give him the first two bites!

• Muthiah Murlitharan : The wily FOX.

• Rahul Dravid : His straight Drive is as straight as a candle.

• Tendulkar(injured) : A fallen light house is more dangerous then the reef.

• Deep Dasgupta : is as confused as a child in a topless bar!

• Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a goal keeper. He must be given a free transfer to Manchester United.

• Ganguly : called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and Dravid was runout "Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope."

• Eddie Nichols(The Umpire) is a man who cannot find his own buttocks with his two hands."

• Tendulker shot played off his toes... "he played that like a dwarf at a urinal"...

• On Harbhajan Singh brought back into The attack : Gamblers they Are like Toilets BROKE one Day Flush The Next .

• Venkatesh Prasad : He opened him like a can of beans.

• When Atapattu ran Jayasuriya out;He has thrown him to the wolves.

• Navjot Sidhu : (on meeting the ghost 'Lilley of Limlay Castle')I was dropping bricks in my pants !!!!!!!!

• Ashish Nehra : (facing fast bowling) His legs are like an octupus jumping from a tree.

• Kaluwitharna : He is like Indian three-wheeler which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!

• Dravid nicked Bond through the slips for 4 : That's Ok from Bond, in order to catch a trout you must be prepared to lose a fly.

• Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn!!!

• Harbhajan's spinners are like introducing some atoms of pulvarised tobacco into nostrils of the batsmen who get out of sneezing.

• Sachin Tendulkar drives the ball faster than Michael Schumacher's Ferarri.

• Ever since he started endorsing for Ferrari, his batting has gone into 7th gear.(On Sachin and Ferrari tie up)

• Sehwag is butchering them faster than you can say 'Chicken Tikka'!

• Sachin Tendulakar is using his bat to make the fielders run all over the place just like my wife uses her broom to make me run all over Punjab!

• On Rahul Dravid's capataincy : When you fall on your back side the only place you can look is up.

• That one was meant for the Air-Hostesses(on the sky-high shot by Sehwag).

• I dont trust the Indian batting,they can snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

• Mandira Bedi : She is like a rampant river! She is very bubbly, she is original and a bright spark!

Others

• I lean on statistics like a drunken man leans on a lamppost, only for support, not illumination.

• He has a backlift like an octopus falling out of a tree, all over the place!

• There is always free cheese in a mousetrap.

• Come to my parlour said the spider to the fly.

• A dog kennel is no place to hide a sausage.

• Call the bear uncle until you are safely across the bridge.

• He's wallowing in foolishness like a rhino in an African pool.

• Gamblers they Are like Toilets BROKE one Day Flush The Next (Navjot Sidhu Talks About The decision To Bring On Harbhajan Singh Into The attack During The 1st Test In Wellington New Zealand)

• The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala...one falls and everything else falls!

• The Only Thing You Get In Life Without Trying is dandruff.

• Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two.

• Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.

• Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taxi meter.

• India look like a crippled cobra whose fangs are clipped.

• The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend, that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world which does not have wings!

• As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.

• The ball whizzes past like a bumble bee and the Indians are in the sea.

• There, there, that's a dead duck!

• As innocent as freshly laid eggs.

• All that comes from a cow is not milk.

• Bengal without Tigers!

• New Zealanders have their limits, The kiwis are the birds that cannot fly!

• Right now he's looking like a Cheshire cat that's had loads of cream!

• The pitch is as dead as a dodo.

• That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it.

• There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of an incoming train which will run them over.

• Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.

• The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin in a haystack.

• Indian team without Sachin is like giving a Kiss without a Squeeze.

• One, who doesn't throw the dice, can never expect to score a six.

• Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.

• You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your pants.

• The cat with gloves catches no mice.

• You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.

• He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking competition.

• Just because a rose smells sweet, you do not use it in the soup!

• When you are dining with the demon you've got to have a long spoon!

• Don't open your old umbrella and run it over your shoulder.

• Only one man in a thousand is the leader of men, rest 999 follow the women.

• Blondes read OIL as 710

• A brooding hen sitting over a China Egg

• Beauty even when silent is eloquent.

• A dead man is no good to the Society. A dead man's family is also no good to the society. ( In a letter to President Pervez Musharraf)

• We are all Adam's children -- it's just the silk that makes all the difference!

• Right now he's looking like a Cheshire cat that's had loads of cream!

• If ifs and buts were pots and pans, there would be no tinkers!

• Its very difficult to kill a man who is hell bent upon committing harakiri!

• The Indians are jelling together as a cohesive unit.

• Spit on your hands! Take the black flag! And start slitting throats!

• The wily fox is back? It is an ill omen when a fox licks the lambs!

• A big outcry but no outcome!

• A hair on the head is worth two in the comb!

• Good intentions die unless utilized

• Money is like manure. It’s only useful when it’s spread

• You dont judge the Horse-power of a vehicle by the size of its exhaust.

• Kenya in South Africa was like a mountain having labour pains.

• The gap between bat and pad is so much that I would have driven a car through it!

• He's in a soup!

• He pierced it through an eye of a needle.

• As crisp as a cracker.

• Every body has the thinking cap on, I have a 6 mts thinking turban on my head so i am bound to be the best.

• He chased the ball,as if a young guy chased a beautiful girl, but who never knew she was daughter of army officer and paid the price, with his wicket.

• Men die of their remedies, not illness

• If you stumble yourself on the same stone, do not repent for your chin

• Only a brave mouse can build a nest in cat’s whiskers

• The trouble with Father Time is that it did not even wait for a woman

• One Day Cricket is like a pyjama;every one fits into it.

• If you sow the wind you reap the whirlwind.

• If,I was a man. my Aunt would have been my Uncle.
  

• "If there is no difference of opinion, there will be no horse race"

• "You cannot pee like a puppy when you are running with big dogs"

• "When you can kiss the mistress, never kiss the maid!!!!"

• The world is all about mind and matter; I don't mind and you don't matter.

• Dear Saurav Ganguly: "It ain't over until the fat lady sings"

• "If the heavens throw you dates, you've got to keep your mouth open."

• I have millions of funny bones! It's like somebody is tickling me non-stop!

• My parents always said, "laugh and everyone will laugh with you, sleep and you snore alone."

• Sidhuism is like a honeybee… It has got a small body, honey and a sting!

• Any good product without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark, you know what your doing but she doesn't.

• All wives are worse than terrorists! They are very intimidating!

• You cant marry 450 times! To marry once is a folly, to marry twice is a blunder and to marry thrice is suicide!

• Marriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter!

• Mantra for the Indian team is… "Make hay while things are going haywire!"

• Plans of coaching team India: You don't murder a man who is trying to commit suicide!

• Always remember that the past is a bucket full of ashes, nobody built his reputation thinking about tomorrow. So catch the present my dear friends, between yesterday's regret and tomorrow's hope is today's opportunity.

• A girl born beautiful is half married

• In London they drive on the left, in India we drive on what is left!

• Harbhajan (when batting) could be a windmill with a single blade during a hurricane.

• Strutting around wicket as 'proud as peacock'

• Still waters run deep. The Indians were so still in the 3rd test that they ran into deep oceans

• Ganguly moves so slowly on the field like Jack of 'Jack n Jill' who goes to fetch pail of runs for the opposition

• Umpires are like traffic police -the techniques they use to give a decision are outdated

• Flip the coin and there is no head or tail. (India plays the cricket without any aim)

• A barking dog is better than a sleeping Lion, so go on Indians, Bark aloud! and let everyone hear you louder!!!

• The dog that barks last, barks best

• S.Ramesh's running between the wickets is like a snail going slow!

• He is like an Indian transistor, which does not work until you give it two slaps.

• If you are trying to beat India in their home, you are you trying to get milk out of an ox.

• Indian team is just like Indian monsoon.you just cannot predict when there will be flood & when there will be drought.

• The ball went soo high up in the air that it kissed an air-hostess on its way back.

• Rahul is like the hall of fire !!!!

• Ganguly has taken the cake with plum on top (ha ha ha)

• The ball slipped from his hands like butter from hot paratha

• Women are worse than wine - They intoxicate both the holder and the
  beholder (when a pretty young thing was shown on TV screen)

• For Geoffrey Boycott - a hair on head is worth two in the brush (In response to Shastri's comment "a bird in hand is worth 2 in bush" when Yohannan was carrying the bird hit by Tendulkar)

• He moved like a heavy duty truck (when a fielder dropped a catch due to his slow reaction)

• As safe as a bucket ( for a fielder taking a catch successfully)

• A depression is where you have no belt to tighten.

• A fifty is like kissing a virgin, you just have to go on!

• A good example is the best sermon you can ever preach.

• A good lather is half the shave.

• A lemon squeezed too hard yields a bitter juice.

• A man who is heading nowhere is sure to reach his destination.

• A pessimist is one who burns bridges before the enemy gets to them.

• A recession is where you have to tighten your belt.

• As innocent as freshly laid eggs. (About Atal Behari Vajpayee.)

• A small leak can sink a big ship.

• A tree is always known by its fruit.

• A true professional is like a chameleon - he will change colour to suit his surroundings.

• Bad habits are like comfy beds - easy to get into, very difficult to get out of.